Interpersonal chemistry through negativity: Bonding by sharing negative attitudes about others

We propose that sharing a negative—as compared to a positive—attitude about a third party is particularly effective in promoting closeness between people. Findings from two survey studies and an experiment support this idea. In Studies 1 and 2, participants’ open-ended responses revealed a tendency to recall sharing with their closest friends more negative than positive attitudes about other people. Study 3 established that discovering a shared negative attitude about a target person predicted liking for a stranger more strongly than discovering a shared positive attitude (but only when attitudes were weak). Presumably, sharing negative attitudes is alluring because it establishes in-group/out-group boundaries, boosts self-esteem, and conveys highly diagnostic information about attitude holders. Despite the apparent ubiquity of this effect, participants seemed unaware of it. Instead, they asserted that sharing positive attitudes about others would be particularly effective in promoting closeness. Shared attitudes have long been assumed to foster positive feelings between people. Heider (1946, 1958), for example, proposed that if two people share a positive or a negative attitude about a third party, then psychological ‘‘balance’’ is established. Such balance, in turn, promotes friendship. In the current investigation, we explore a possibility that Heider apparently did not consider. Specifically, we propose that one type of balanced system should more readily facilitate interpersonal bonding than the other. In particular, we propose that a system in which two people share a dislike of a target person will promote closeness more readily than a system in which two people share a liking for that target. The notion that people become particularly attracted to strangers with whom they share a negative attitude about a third party may seem counterintuitive at first. After all, theories of interpersonal attraction tend to emphasize the importance of socially desirable behavior in the early stages of friendship formation, noting that people typically strive to make a good impression on nonintimates by presenting the self in a maximally favorable light (Backman, 1990; Crowne & Marlowe, 1960; Jones, 1964; Rowatt, Cunningham,&Druen, 1998; Stevens& Kristof, 1995). From this perspective, an effective way to win the hearts of others is to express positive as compared to negative attitudes about third parties. Consistent with this notion, in Folkes and Sears’ (1977) classic demonstration of the power of positivity, people were more attracted to target persons who expressed favorable, as compared to unfavorable, attitudes about various people, groups, and objects. Whether targets ostensibly evaluated politicians, cafeteria workers, movies, cities, or college courses, those who seemed to like most everything (likers) received higher ratings of likability than did those who were less favorable in their evaluations (dislikers). If people generally prefer likers to dislikers, how can we maintain that shared negativity promotes interpersonal ‘‘chemistry’’? One possible answer to this question is that Folkes and Sears’ methods Correspondence should be addressed to Jennifer K. Bosson, University of Oklahoma, Department of Psychology, Norman, OK 73019, e-mail: [email protected]. Personal Relationships, 13 (2006), 135–150. Printed in the United States of America. Copyright ! 2006 IARR. 1350-4126=06